***Download original novel in Chinese***
My Sweet Life with “QinShou” Part 1 by Fei Wo Si Cun Translated by JoleCole
Note: Qinshou literally means animal or beast in Chinese. TongXue secretly gives this nickname to Mo ShaoQian because he’s like an uninhibited beast in bed, a deep contrast to Mo Shaoqian’s usual composed and cold exterior.
Blablabla 足足有大半个小时。回到座位上后，同事小昭很同情我。我也觉得他小题大做。可是没办法，这次进公司的所有实习生中，我是最不受待见的一个 没过一会儿他的秘书又给我打电话，叫我到老板办公室去。我想他是骂上了瘾，所以进门我就想，他要再开骂我就拍案而起，反正是实习，大不了就不干了。结果他没再骂我，反而给了我一个新手机。仍旧臭脸，一幅凶巴巴的样子：“你要是再把手机弄丢了，马上开除你！丢手机跟开除有什么关系啊？我还是觉得他小题大作。
1. Today is the ninth day of my internship, and I lost my cellphone. Because I failed to pick up the Big Boss’s phone call, he called me into his office and reprimanded me for half a day.
He said, “I’ve seen a lot of fresh graduates, but I’ve rarely seen a graduate as dumb as you! You lost your cellphone today. Tomorrow, are you going to lose an important company document?”
BLAH BLAH BLAH for a whole half hour.
When I sat back on my desk, my co-worker, Xiao Chao, expressed her sympathies.
I really think he over-exaggerated and got too concerned with triviality. But things can’t be help since I’m his least favorite among the interns.
A short while later, the Big Boss’ secretary gave me a phone call and told me to go to his office again. I think he got addicted in scolding at me. As I walk into his office, I’ve decided that if he scolds at me again, I’m going to pound on his desk and call it quit. I’m only an intern anyway.
In the end, he didn’t scold at me, but gave me a new cellphone. Still giving me a dirty look and seemingly threatening as usual, he said, “if you lose this cellphone again, I’m going to fire you immediately!”
How does losing a cellphone and getting fired have any connection? I still think he gets overly concerned with triviality.
二. 我的手机找到了，不知什么时候掉在了客厅沙发垫子后的空隙里。兴冲冲拿着手机跑到浴室去，结果献宝也没落到一句好话。 人家连眼皮都没有抬一下，说：“只有你成天丢三落四，好意思！我真的生气了，真的！于是说今天晚上你睡书房。果然他很不高兴，说他不睡书房。正在心中暗喜，结果他又慢腾腾补了一句：“我睡客房。”
2. I finally found my cellphone! I didn’t even know when or how it fell beneath the sofa cushions and got tucked away. I excitedly ran into the bathroom, wanting to show him my newly rediscovered prized possession. Unfortunately, I did not earn a single positive word from his mouth. Without even blinking an eye, he said, “Only you can clumsily lose things here and there. And you have the fortitude to brag about it!”
I’m really furious now. Seriously furious. So I told him to sleep in his study.
Not surprisingly, he became very unhappy and refused to sleep in his study.
As I secretly savored this private moment of success, he causally added in an unhurried tone of voice, “I’ll sleep in the guest room.”
3. Mo Shaoqian is a wicked man! Wicked man! He declared last night that he would sleep in the guest room, but he didn't say that I have to sleep with him in the guest room. He said, “You should have expected it even if I didn’t openly mention it. What did you promise me when we first got married? You will always follow me wherever I go.”
Did I make such a promise? Why don’t I have the slightest recollection of this promise?
四。 吃午饭的时候小昭跟我八卦，她听人说老板结婚了。小昭十分艳羡的说：“不知道什么样的天仙，才搞得定我们老板啊！我说肯定不是天仙。小昭瞪我，说，那也肯定不会是你这样的猪八戒。自从回国后，我一向吃饭都是风卷残云。每次悦莹都讽刺我，说你真不像从美国回来的，真像是从非洲回来的。小昭天天跟我吃饭，她觉得我吃起来就像是猪八戒。小昭又问我，你说老板的太太平常都怎么叫老板，叫绍谦？谦谦？想想真甜蜜啊！可以这样亲昵的叫他！ 甜蜜啥啊！我平常都叫他禽兽。
4. After lunch, Xiao Chao came to gossip with me. She heard that our Big Boss is married. In an envious tone, she said, “I wonder what type of beautiful goddess managed to conquer our Big Boss!”
I replied, “Definitely not a beautiful goddess.”
Xiao Chao stared at me, said “But she’s definitely not a porky demon like you either.”
Ever since I returned to China, my eating habit became like a tornado ravaging the plains. Yueying never failed to ridicule me about it. She said, “You really don’t look like you just came back from United States. You look more like you just returned from Africa.”
Xiao Chao would eat lunch with me every day and she also felt my eating habit resembled the pig demon (in Journey to the West).
Xiao Chao asked, “What do you think his wife usually call Big Boss? Shaoqian? QianQian? Thinking about it makes it sound so sweet! She can call him in such a personal and familial way.
There’s nothing sweet about it!
I usually call him “qinshou”(beast).
5. Big Boss went on a business trip and he took our leading supervisor with him. Everyone began to slack off in the office. When Xiao Chao and I were playing Farmsville online, my cellphone suddenly rang.
“Playing Farmsville again?”
“Nonsense, your Happy Web icon is blinking”
Shocked, I immediately log off as I rushed Xiao Chao to log off as well. After we logged off, Xiao Chao asked me, “Who discovered us?”
I instinctively replied, “My husband.”
Xiao Chao said, “What’s there to be afraid of then? Why should your husband even care you’re slacking off at work?”
After some thought, she’s right. So I blatantly log on again to plant some ginseng.
6. Xiao Chao asked me, “Why did you get married so quickly after graduation. Is your husband an exceptionally good man?”
I summarized his traits in details:
Bad temper, loves to give me the dirty look, treats me like a 3 year old, and doesn’t respect me. He’s really petty. When I occasionally receive a phone call from a male colleague, he loves to lash out at me with sarcasm. Never goes shopping with me. Whenever the monthly bills come home, he always criticizes my household budgeting skill. He thinks I’m dumb, and won’t let me study abroad to get my master’s degree. At home, he said he’s the ultimate decision maker. And he forbids me to tell people in his company that I’m his wife.
Xiao Chao’s countenance completely changed with shock. She asked, “He’s such an extreme! What do you actually see in him?”
After a long pause of contemplation, I could only say “He’s really good at making money!”
7. Xiao Chao, that big mouth! All my co-workers at work now know I have “an extreme” for a husband. Words finally spread to his ears. Consequently, I was late for work the next day because I couldn’t get out of bed. My hopes for the perfect attendance award evaporated into thin air.
Xiao Chao comforted me by saying, “It’s okay. Our Big Boss was late today too.”
But he doesn’t need to clock in for work!
8. I was extremely happy to get my first paycheck, so Xiao Chao and I went shopping together. After roaming around for almost half a day, I only bought a tie. It was freaking expensive! Expensive enough to use up my entire month salary.
The next day, Xiao Chao was swooning over with awe. She said out of all the men she’s seen, our Big Boss has the best taste. She then praises me for having a good eye since the tie I bought for my husband is the same tie our Big Boss wore for the day.
Xiao Chao continues, “Big Boss is in a quite good mood today. He’s shinning with brilliance, and even gave a smile when he walked out of the elevator. Everyone was extremely startled and shocked with gratitude for this rare smile, since he probably only smiled once in ten thousand years.
But it’s my turn not to smile. I spent a whole month salary to buy his smile. His lordship's smile is truly worth a thousand gold bullion.
9. We had a department get-together for karaoke, which included family members. Most people bought their family along, but I didn’t. Xiao Chao even asked me, “Did you have a fight with your husband?”
I replied, “He has overtime.”
Halfway through the karaoke singing, I got a phone call. He asked, "Should I come get you or should the chauffeur come pick you up?”
Relishing over his predicament, I told him that I’ll take the taxi home. The reason – I told him to think over it.
I shared a taxi ride with Xiao Chao on the way home. Xiao Chao suddenly happily pointed to the rear mirror and said “Look! It’s our Big Boss’ car!”
Xiao Chao said that night was the happiest night of her life because our Big Boss’ car followed us for a long way.
10. Sun Jie is pregnant. Everyone is taking good care of her.
I bumped into Big Boss in the copying room. He brought his own documents to xerox. So I flirtatiously sucked up to him and passingly pointed out the major inconveniences of pregnancy. Despite all my effort, he seemed rather unconvinced and reacted rather indifferently. Lastly, he just took the documents in my hands to xerox for me and said, “No matter what you say, we must have a baby by next year at the latest.”
Damned! What kind of world is this?
Even when someone is having a baby, he covets.
11. On my birthday, my co-workersput in some money to buy me a cake, flowers, and enormous furry toy.
I was thrilled to bring home the flowers and furry toy.
Apparently, somebody failed to give me something.
I think he’s really petty. He will try to get back at you for the slightest offense.
For his last birthday, I gave him a dozen of…those things. (I think she’s subtly implying it’s a box of condoms )
12. This somebody actually gave me a birthday present. When I saw the present, I cried undignifiedly. He gave me a video recording from the airport surveillance system. In the video recording, I heartily cried so wretchedly, so stupidly. And he was standing behind the glass wall at the gateway. I never knew at that time, he cried too…
END OF PART I
一、某天我羡慕嫉妒恨的对某人说，有个女孩过生日，结果她男朋友把她淘宝收藏夹里的所有东西都买下来送给她 了。我说这话当然是有用意的，因为我淘宝收藏夹 里放着无数可爱的小玩艺，说完这话，我就眼巴巴等着过生日收礼物了。结果生日那天从早等到晚，一样快递都没 收到，最后我气急败坏上淘宝一看，所有收藏夹居 然都被清空了，显示器角上粘着即时贴，上边写着“珍爱生命，远离淘宝”，那字迹，跟他签在文件上一样龙飞凤 舞……555555……我辛辛苦苦攒了三个月的 收藏纪录啊……莫绍谦我跟你没完！
One day I was just chatting along with someone* and I deliberately mentioned how some girl was bragging in the office about how she celebrated her birthday. Her boyfriend bought her all the gifts she had saved in her shopping cart/wishlist that she had collected on Tao Bao*. Of course there was a reason for why I was dropping hints left right and centre, it is because I also have a Tao Bao shopping cart/wishlist that contains all those cute and random collectibles that I am craving for, after mentioning this, I am now eagerly waiting with my eyes wide opened for those gifts....
So I spent waiting all day on my birthday, no courier arrived, finally I rushed off angrily to check out my Tao Bao shopping cart/ wishlist and found that it had been cleared, and on the bottom corner of computer monitor, there was a sticky note that said, “Life should be treasured, stay away from Tao Bao.” Oh the handwriting on the sticky note is written in a precise and strong style, so similar to the way he signs off with his signature in official work documents.
I sob. Why Why Why????? I spent three months putting together my wishlist. Mo Shao Qian, I am so not done with you!!!
*(nb, in Chinese 某人is actually Mo Shao Qian, so I translate this to someone.” The reason that 某人 is used is because it adds in a hint of comedy in the structure of the story.)
**(nb. Tao Bao is the Chinese version of ebay.)
二、小昭安慰我，说男人有时候就跟个孩子似的，你跟小屁孩儿计较什么啊。好歹他也送你生日礼物了不是？虽然 那礼物俗了点，是阿里巴巴的股票，现在算起来你 都是淘宝的股东了你还计较淘宝收藏夹干嘛啊？提到这个我就不作声了，因为这个我理屈。我心血来潮想学着炒股 票，某人拗不过我，把他的股票经纪让给我用，结 果在专业人士的指导下，我也亏得一踏糊涂。所谓炒股炒成了股东……最后是某人帮我平仓，余下那点可怜的资金 被他全部换成了阿里巴巴的股票。这算生日礼物 吗？这明明是对我的讽刺！
So my colleague, Xiao Chao was trying to comfort me and she said that at times, Men acts like a child, so why are you getting angry with a silly child. At least he gave you a birthday present, right? Even though the present wasn’t very thoughtful, but at least they are the stocks of Alibaba*. So at least you are now a major shareholder of Tao Bao, so why do you still care about your shopping cart/ wishlist? So I didn’t say anything more but I still feel cheated and hurt.
One time I got super interested in buying and selling stocks, so someone caved in and he appointed his stock broker to help me out, but even under the guidance of the stock broker, I still failed miserably. So yeah...so how did I fail so miserably in the stock market and still became a major shareholder.....well someone helped me to breakeven and then turned my residual funds into Alibaba’s stocks. So really, is this a birthday present or is he just mocking me?
* (nb. Alibaba is the public holding company of Tao Bao in the previous paragraph)
三，我把手头的阿里巴巴的股票全都卖掉了，加上自己攒的私房钱，全部买了腾讯的股票。股票经纪问：莫太太， 为什么？我白了他一眼，连这个都不懂？当然是因 为马化腾比马云长得帅！我陶醉的说，哪天我要是腾讯的大股东就好了，这样开董事会的时候，我就可以见到小马 哥了。莫绍谦在10月份的时候转让了一堆股票到 我名下，起先我还挺高兴的，谁不喜欢钱啊！等到了12月终于高兴不起来了。我是大股东，非执行董事了，必须 得去香港开董事会。董事会这种事情简直无趣透 顶，而且在家里对着莫绍谦倒也罢了，在会议室还要对牢他8个小时……开得我简直要哭了。到了第三天我忍无可 忍，说明天的董事会我坚决不去了，打死也不去 了。某人终于瞥了我一眼，说，我比小马哥帅多了，你为什么还不肯去？
So I sold all the Alibaba stock that I held and chipped in my own secret savings to buy stocks of another major telco*. The stock broker asked, “Mrs Mo, Why?” I stared back at him, “Ah...it’s so obvious, can’t you see it? It’s because “Ma Hua Teng” is a lot hotter than “Ma Yun”!” ** I replied dreamily, “Wouldn’t it be great if I can become a major shareholder of this Telco one day, that way when the next annual general meeting come around, I can see the handsome Ma Hua Teng Oppa***.”.
So by October, Mo Shao Qian transferred a load of shares to me, at first I was delighted, I mean who doesn’t love money? Then December came around, I wasn’t so happy by then. Since I am now a major shareholder, I am also a non-executive director. So I had to fly over to Hong Kong to attend the annual general meetings. Oh my gosh, these meetings are an absolute bore, so I am obligated to live with Mo Shao Qian and spend my day with him but having to be with him in the same meeting room for 8 hours straight, I really wanted to cry.
So by the third day of this series of meeting, I couldn’t put up with this any longer and said, “I am not turning up to tomorrow’s meeting even if you bash me to death.” So someone finally stare back at me with a deadly look and said, “I am so much hotter than Ma Hua Teng Oppa, why don’t you want to attend?”
* (nb. The telco is called “Teng Shui” but I am unsure what the English translation is, so I am just referring it as telco”)
** (nb. I haven’t googled this but I think “Ma Yun” is the company chairman of Alibaba and “Ma Hua Teng” is the company chairman of the Telco).
*** (nb. In Chinese, Ma Hua Teng is referred to as 小马哥 which directly translates to “Little Ma Brother” But I didnt’ translate it like this since the context of adoration gets lost, so instead I use the Korean word, Oppa. Oppa translates to brother but when a girl calls a guy Oppa who is not blood related, it hints that the girl has a crush for another guy.”
四、悦莹也讨厌开董事会，不过那是因为她老公太能干了。她现的口头禅经常是：“最惨是什么，最惨是嫁了个聪 明人。把自己衬得一无是处。”她老公据说是神 童，年纪轻轻就是首屈一指的职业经理人。把公司事务打理得井井有条，包括家里所有的事，悦莹说：“这种人太 可怕了，我自己衣服找不到问他，他一定知道。因 为所有衣服买回来，他让家务助理建档案入电脑，每天早上我若是问他穿什么，他马上把IPAD拿过来，翻出某 页递给我。上面不仅有衣服的图，还有搭配的鞋 包，还注明在哪个衣帽间哪个柜子……”悦莹怒了，说：“他把我当公司一样管理！”我很义气的拍着肩告诉她： “我们私奔吧！”悦莹豪气的答：“好！私奔！让 那臭男人急去！
Yue Ying also mentioned that she hates attending annual general meetings, but it’s because her husband is too competent. So now her favourite saying is, “You know what is worse? Marrying a brainiac makes me appear so incompetent”. She mentions how her husband had been a genius since he was a child and how he became a top manager at a super duper young age. She mentions how he manages work in an “over the top” organised manner, and now this expands to housework.
Yue Ying said, “This type of person is the most scary, if I can’t find a piece of clothing, he always know the answer. Because when I purchase any piece of clothing, he tells our maid to add it into an online catalogue, so every morning when I ask him about what to wear, he takes out the iPad and flips through the online catalogue. In it, there isn’t just a photo of my clothing, there is also an automatic function for recommending the matching shoes and bags and clearly states where these pieces of clothing is stocked in my walk-in wardrobe...”
So Yue Ying says this with a hint of anger, and shouts, “He manages me like he manages his company!”
So like a true friend, I hug her and tap her on her shoulder with eagerness and declares, “Let’s elope together!” Like a true BFF*, Yue Ying agrees, “YEAH! Let’s elope! Let’s make our men desperate and worried!”
*(nb. BFF= best friend forever” )
五、我跟悦莹的私奔只维持了一小时，就被北京突出其来的暴雨给打断了。我们被困在地铁2号线，望着瀑布一样 的大水傻眼了。最后咬牙冲了上去，淋成落汤鸡一 样淌水进了M记避雨。悦莹的电话一响，她就抱着电话哭去了。真是软弱的女人。哼，还说跟我私奔，现在就梨花 带雨直叫老公你快来救我。没过十分钟，就见她老 公开着越野车乘风破浪来救驾。悦莹拉我上车，我赌气不去。莫绍谦连个电话也不打给我，这么大的雨，他就不怕 我真跟人私奔了啊？后来他终于打电话来的时候， 我说你再不来我就跟人私奔了啊。他说私奔吧，就把电话挂了。气得我差点哭了，气得我吃了一个M记的套餐又多 要了一份薯条，等我拿着新薯条回来，竟然发现司 机拿着雨伞在过道等我。司机说，雨太大，莫先生的航班迫降在天津了。让我来接你。我当时一高兴，就忘了问， 他咋知道我到底在哪里的？
Our elopement only lasted for one hour, it was pouring like cats and dogs in Beijing. So we were trapped on the trains as we stared at the buckets of rain. So we gritted our teeth with anger and stepped into the storm and ran into Maccas (McDonald's) nearby to take shelter. Then Yue Ying’s phone rang and she quickly caved in like a coward, begging and sobbing desperately to her husband on the phone.
I thought, you were the one who wanted to elope but now you are crying and sulking to your husband begging for him to pick you up.
Within 10 minutes, her husband arrives to pick her up in his four wheel drive. Yue Ying tries to get me to jump in with her, but unlike her, I am not going to cave in so easily. Mo Shao Qian hasn’t even called, it’s pouring like crazy and he isn’t even worried that I have eloped off with someone?
So finally when he did call, I threatened, “If you don’t come, I will seriously elope!”. He replied, “So go ahead and elope!” and he hangs up. I got so angry that I had tears in my eyes, so I ordered another Maccas (McDonald's) value meal and an extra order of French fries. When I picked up my French fries, I saw our chauffeur waiting for me across the road. The chauffeur said, “The weather worsened so Mr. Mo’s flight had been delayed in Tianjing. So he ordered me to pick you up.” It was then I got so happy! But then I thought to myself, how did he know where I was?
六，后来我问莫绍谦，他到底是怎么知道我当时在哪里的。他漫不经心的说是悦莹的老公打电话给他的。我太失望 了！我还以为他跟言情小说男主一样，偷偷给我手机订制了GPS定 位功能，结果是被人出卖。哼，天下男人都是一丘之貉。不过他跟悦莹老公的关系倒是真的挺好，两个人虽然都话 不多，但是聊起什么生意一准没完，而且他们俩都 喜欢打球、游泳……经常结伴一块儿去，他们俩还搞了一个什么合作项目，成天一起开会。起初没什么，可是后来 我忍不住狐疑的问悦莹，这俩人，不会私奔吧？悦 莹看耽美小说看得不少，愣了一下，竟然豪气的说，私奔就奔吧！为了成全他们的真爱，我愿意炮灰 。
So I interrogated Mo Shao Qian afterwards, “How did you find out where I was at the time?“ So he replies without much thought, it was Yue Ying’s husband that informed him. Ah, what a disappointment! I thought he was like the protagonist in romance novels and secretly added on a GPS device in my mobile so he can track me down, but no I got dobbed in/betrayed!
So, all men are the same and they only help each other out!
So yeah, he does get on very well with Yue Ying’s husband, they are both very quiet but when their conversation starts, it never stops even though it is always centred around business. They both share hobbies in basketball, swimming...and they always hang out with each other so much so that they are now business partners and spend days on ends in meetings *.
At first I didn’t think too much into this but then I cornered in on Yue Ying about this and questioned, “You reckon these two will also elope together?” With all the experience that Yue Ying had in reading romance novels, she seemed startled at first but quickly responds “So what if they elope, just let them do it! I am willing to sacrifice myself if they are truly in love.”
*( nb, note the way the author writes, it’s like the 2 hubbies are developing a bromance and it sounds like Tong Xue and Yue Ying are both sounding jealous...I find this so cute )
Whilst I was lying in bed, I couldn’t help myself and I asked Mo Shao Qian, “Will you ever love someone else and elope with another person?”
He kind of ignored me and turned his back on me but still replied in his matter of fact way, “Women means trouble, my energy is already spent dealing with one, you think I really have the energy to deal with another one?” And I thought, damn it, if he is tired of dealing with another woman, does it mean he is really interested in men????
END OF PART 2
Comments from the translator Yanange:
Thanks for reading my translation, I am not a professional and didn’t do direct translations, I took a bit of liberty in the translations to ensure there is a comedic tone throughout the story. Since Chinese is quite a complex language to translate and the cultural relevance gets lost in translation. Also I though I will post the translation with one paragraph in Chinese and the next in English, it may help those of you who only understands some Chinese to learn a bit of Chinese along the way!
But I hope you guys will still enjoy my efforts. Let me know what you guys think.
My thoughts on the 2nd epilogue, I love how Shao Qian is still his cold hearted self in a caring and loving way....it’s so adorable! Oh Tong Xue’s EQ can be so low...haha....it shows, brainiacs always fall head over heels with a silly dumb woman!! LOL.
Love how she questions the bromance, it’s just so funny! Lol, love how Shao Qian is so practical, love that sticky note and the matter of fact way he handles all their relationship dilemmas. LOL, I love how he is jealous but instead of acting it out, he uses his smarts and forces her to be a major stockholder in his company so she is obligated to be around him 24/7 and have to go on business trips with him!! Oh it’s so clever of the writer!
© 2011, JoleCole. All rights reserved.