It’s best that he falls madly in love with the new and loathe the old. Then gets completely fret up by my disinterested attitude and throws me a fat check to tell me to get lost.
Unfortunately, such a dream isn’t going to happen as Mo Shaoqian quickly changes the topic. “What did you buy yesterday?”
I knew he was going to ask. That’s why I didn’t even bother to look at what I bought and just decided to bring back two items. I really have foresight. In ecstatically cheerful tone, I tell him, “Milan’s newest design for the season. But it’s too hot right now, so I can’t wear it for you to see.”
My benefactor nods in approval. The rule of the game: the benefactor is the one who spends the money while the beneficiary wears the new clothes . The use of my existence is to satisfy his masculine ego. I keep him amused by spending his money. Sometimes, though, I would still defy him. My defiance, however, is carefully crafted not to go overboard. It’s almost like a cat who lightly scratches a hand. It’s a type of coquettish tantrum with twist of feminine charm. The soft scratch doesn’t cause a bleeding at all, because I wouldn’t want to seriously piss him off and bring unpleasant consequences upon myself.
 The Chinese term that Tong Xue used to coin her monetary relationship with Mo Shaoqian is jinzhu or “gold owner,” which is generally used to refer to rich persons who monetarily sponsor something, and the canary. Tong Xue refers herself as “Jinsique” or canary because in traditional Chinese culture, raising a canary in a golden cage is a symbol of wealth. I think a more vulgar English equivalent of jinzhu and jinsique is “sugar daddy’ and his “sugar baby.” I chose not to use these terms because I found them too derogatory. I guess a classier equivalent is patron and his courtesan or benefactor/beneficiary.
If this situation continues, I can write a manual on the 101 secrets tips to become a successful mistress, entitled “My Career Being a Mistress.” I bet if I post it online, it’ll cause an uproar. Just the name alone warrants innumerable clicks, setting a whirlwind record off the charts.
He asks me, “Do you have class today?”
“Yes.” I’m not lying. They’re really all important lectures too. If that infamously formidable professor takes attendance and I’m absent, I’ll be dead meat.
“Then let’s have to dinner together tonight.”
It looks like he’s not planning to leave today.
I went inside to change my clothes and spent the longest time trying to find a shirt with a neck collar. It can’t be helped since my neck is covered in scattered patches of blue and purple — an unbearable sight. In my head, I mumblingly curse at Mo Shaoqian for being such an animal (or beast).
I casually matched it with a pair of jeans and turned around just to see that beast leaning against the doorframe of the in-walk closet and checking me out with interest in his eyes. “You really do look like a student.”
I am a student, okay?
Luckily, there was no traffic on the way and I got to school on time. Liu Yueying already saved me a seat, and both of us sat on the front row as usual. Why must we fight for the front row? It’s because we love to learn.
Based on the scores of our college entrance exams, Yueying and I ranked first and second place of our class in the applied chemistry department. I just lost two points in the cumulative total for the sciences because I made a mistake on a problem. Yueying was even more impressive than me. She earned a perfect score on her cumulative total for the sciences. I bet during the admission process, the committee didn’t even bother to read her profile and just accepted her with a blind eye.
If early in the admission process the school found out that her father was one of the famous privatized industrialists, they would probably think of a way to ask him for a donation to build a laboratory or something. But our school has too many impressive people anyway; the school president probably wouldn’t even care.
When Yueying got admitted into this prestigious university, it was actually her father who got really excited, too excited. In fact, he probably wanted to travel into space and pluck a star for his daughter. Yueying told me, “My bao fu hu (“new rich”) father busied himself all day with business socializing, and never attended a single parent conference nor cared too much about my grades. He was actually thinking of spending some money to send me to America and study at some “diploma mill” college. Instead, I became the top student in my province.”
That’s why on her twentieth birthday, her father bought a helicopter for his precious daughter.
We’re in our junior year already, so there are few lecture classes left. Seldom do we get to hang out with students from other years. The large lecture hall with raked floor was bustling with noise. As the professor speaks onstage, students below either speed to jot down what he said, pass notes around, listen to MP3, send text messages, or even read a novel… Some are present to learn, and some aren’t. It’s actually quite lively.
One empty seat from where Yueying sits a hot-looking hunk. The hidden rule is you always leave an empty seat between where you sit and the people you don’t know. The professor seems indifferent to such wasteful use of resources.
I look admiringly at that good-looking dude while I take notes. Because the raked lecture hall faces south, sunlight penetrated through the large glass window onto the three front row seats. The jet-black hair of that handsome guy emits a series of velvety golden ring under the sunlight. He holds a pen in is hand, skillfully spinning it around.
I dully stare at the pen, and suddenly immerse myself into thinking about Xiao Shan. It was he who taught me how to spin my pen skillfully. How to grip it with my hand, and then how to move it with my index finger, my middle finger, how to use tricks, and finally how to control the spin without causing the pen fly out of your hand…
As Xiao Shan’s long delicate fingers, a little cool to touch, placed on top of my hand, my face blushed feverishly. Whenever this sixteen year old seventeen-ish teenager gently touched my hand, I would feel ecstatically happy for the longest time.
Autumn is here, and the sorrow of autumn really does exist. In this bright sunny day on an early autumn morning, I suddenly thought of Xiao Shan.
Every time I think about Xiao Shan, it’s always during my unhappiest period. My unhappiness lasted till noon. I didn’t even have the appetite to eat my favorite “Four Happiness Meatballs.” Yueying takes a quick look at me and asks, “Yearning for love? Didn’t your boyfriend just come back?”
I sigh heavily and confess the truth. “I was thinking about my first love.”
“You have a boyfriend already and yet you still think about your first love? You’re inhuman.”
“But my first love is such a long distance away from me… He’s on the other side of globe, of course I would think about him…”
“How far away? Pacific Ocean? Atlantic Ocean? Indian Ocean? Where is he now? If you can’t stop, why don’t you just dump your boyfriend and just go abroad to pursue him.”
I sighed again. “He’s at the university across the street from us.”
“Shit!” Yueying got so mad that she didn’t even bother to eat her delicious meatballs, completely failed to be conscious about her own image, and used her chopstick to poke at me. “You don’t’ even need to climb the freaking stairs. You just have to exit the west gate and then you can enter the east gate of his campus. That’s it! What’s up with all the melancholic and mournful crap! Shit, you really think he’s really on the other side of the globe? “
Yueying is right. He’s really on the other side of the globe.
Even if it kills me, I’m not going to go see Xiao Shan. Even if it kills me, I won’t.
I would rather be pretentious and locked everything inside my heart, forever.
**Use firstname.lastname@example.org as your email for anonymous comments**